the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
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if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
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It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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