i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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