it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
