Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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