i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
