Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
