i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
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