I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Who put my cat in the fridge?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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