i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
