So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
