UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
