whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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