i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
