Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
