Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
this beer tastes like vomit already
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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