And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
