Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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