ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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