did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
