she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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