i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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