I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
