He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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