Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
