I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
