I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
