So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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