Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
