so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
