He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
