9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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