what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
