I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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