I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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