What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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