she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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