Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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