just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Every concussion has its silver lining
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
