That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Too much gin, very little bucket
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
