how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
What a dumb baby whore.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
