Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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