I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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