He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
