i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Michael Bay diarrhea
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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