So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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