i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
my liver is dry heaving
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
