I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
