Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
