im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
