I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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