the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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