he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
