I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Houston, we have a blender
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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