well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
