it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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