I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
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How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
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I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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