Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
