If i could tip my vagina, i would.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
