I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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