Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
