no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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