direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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