hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
