I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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