He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
