I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so let's talk penis.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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