i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
