do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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