i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
