How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
