I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
