Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
