Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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