You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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