would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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