Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
