My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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